I can remember the moment that I knew that my marriage was over. I can remember the feeling of failing at something that I knew I should be good at. I felt like I was supposed to be a bomb wife. I felt like the demise of the relationship was my fault. I stayed in that place for a little while but then I came to the truth.
The truth of the matter is that I was a bomb wife. I was everything that I thought that I should be. I was just giving it to someone who did not want it. I gave myself to someone who only wanted a piece of me. Once I realized that, I began to blame him.
That wasn’t right either. It was not reasonable to blame him for what I allowed him to do. I walked away from it all and worked on me. I begin to learn about what I wanted. I begin to see what I needed. I begin to focus on loving myself.
Every year I learned something new. Every experience and interaction revealed something different. Every time I thought I was out of the woods, I was shown that there were still trees ahead. The moment when I wasn’t looking for love, it bloomed from the concrete.
In this moment, it seems as if the journey is over. It feels as if there is nothing left to fight and that the battle is complete. In this moment, it feels like love have found me. Not only has it found me but it is embracing me. The time that it took to get here was not exciting and fun. It was hard and rough most of the time. Nevertheless, I am thankful for my lessons. I am thankful for seeing through the BS of others and clearing the path for love to find me.
I am thankful that I learned to love who I am. To love what I stand for. To love love even when love hurt me so bad. I am so thankful that I allowed love to find me. It feels amazing to have someone see you in the way that you see you as if they are your mirror. It feels amazing to have someone who wants to be everything to me that I want to be to them.
I am thankful that all of the pain and hurt has gone away so that I can receive the love that is coming to me. I am thankful that the past does not linger in my present and I am happy that the love in my present is here.
We have to know that pain is apart of the healing process. In order to get to a place where we can truly experience love, true love (real love), we have to be clear on the difference between lust and love. We have to know the truth about what is for us and what we accept. We have to understand that everything that we accept is not the best thing for us. Allowing love to move in when pain is still high is a recipe for destruction. You can only allow love to come in when you allow yourself to love you first.