Category Archives: Parenting Reflections

3 heartbeats

Homeschool hasn’t officially began yet but today we continued learning about down syndrome. During the reading of the book about down syndrome the idea of support came about. My mother brought to my attention that my younger two children had been calling my oldest daughter out of her name. She told me that they were saying things like stupid and other annoying sibling terms. I immediately became infuriated because I have taught my children to respect one another and to love one another more than anything. So to hear that my two children were essentially bullying my oldest child, with down syndrome, it broke my heart.

I began to explain to my children the importance of supporting one another. I reiterated that we have to stick together and standup for each other. I used this teaching moment to speak to my children in away that was succinct. I used the information from the book that spoke about the need of familial support to teach my children a valuable lesson. During my motherly monologue I noticed that my son removed his glasses.

When I completed my sentence and looked at him again I saw that he was wiping tears from his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he replied “nothing”. I asked again and he gave the same reply. Then he got up from the table and went to get paper towel to clean his face. While he was gone I sat down in his seat and waited for him to come back. When he reached the table I asked him what was making him cry and then he told me that he wanted to talk to me in private.

Immediately I obliged. We entered my room and began to talk. He shared with me that he was concerned about not being a good brother. He was upset that his sisters do not receive the type of support from him that he feels they should. He was distraught and hurt by the fact that he was knowingly creating problems for his sisters. When I asked him what he can do to change the situation he stated that he could be more cheer them on when they are doing things and help them when they need it. He came to the conclusion that he does not treat his sisters as well as he should.

I asked him what was he going to do differently and he said that he would be more supportive and more encouraging. He said that he would try to be nicer and I simply replied “you must do it”. I used the palm of my hand to quickly brush away the tears from my face and explain to my son that he has to make a decision to be different. I explained to him that trying to do something means that you will fail. I went on to tell him that he will have to make conscious efforts to remove the negative behavior and improve his relationship with his sisters. I told him that actually doing things rather than just trying carries the potential of both failure and success.

How was so touched that he came the level of self-awareness that he did all on his own. His name is Celtic and it means fiery. He is definitely Full of passionate fire. He loves hard and he learns hard. I am so proud that he is my son. I am so thankful that all of them are my children. This was a tough lesson for all of us but I am proud of the way we handled it. My son and my daughters have made efforts all day to be more positive towards one another.

Missing an Angel

I remember when two of my children came to me and told me that they lost their sister. She wandered off and they had no idea where she was. They were frantic and crying and terrified. I knew immediately that they were not playing a prank and that my child was somewhere in the world alone and without me. My heart started to beat faster but my body remained calm. I told them to help me look for her and we called her name around the immediate area and searched for her. The feeling of uncertainty was inundating.

We got in the car and drove around looking for her and calling her name. We were all scared and the longer I drove without hearing her respond the more the tears filled my eyes. I kept driving and I kept calling, and I kept hoping that I would see my baby. My kids were scared and worried about their sister.

That feeling is one that I never want to know again. That feeling consumed my heart, my mind, my life. I was worried about my baby. I was scared that I would not see her face. I was concerned that her laugh would no longer reach me. My youngest daughter was afraid that we would never find her sister again. My son began to blame himself and hysteria started to creep up.

The moment came when we were near the back of the complex and looking and calling for her and the hope began to slip away. When my eyes blinked and emptied the tears I saw my baby. I saw her sitting with strangers just talking and laughing. She was safe but I was a wreck. I was overjoyed and so thankful that the people who my daughter happened upon where not people who had a mind to hurt her.

I am encouraging all parents to love your children. Love them more than you have. Continue to protect them and educate them. Talk to your children and not at them. Let your children know that they have a voice and their voice will be heard at least by you. Support your children. Encourage your children. Respect your children. Allow them to be children. Let’s keep our children safe. Be an active part of the village!

The ‘talk’ begins

A few days ago my son asked me, “Mom, where do babies come from?” In that second I was instantly warped to the moment that most parents dread. I was also hoping that my answer would be sufficient. I told him that they come from their mother. I have no idea why I thought that would be enough but I tried it. He did not let go that easy and asked for more insight.

I told him that I would be more than happy to let him read about it and answer any questions that he has and he reluctantly said. “ok, fine.” The next day came and he asked to read the literature that I have on where babies come from. I was not thinking that he would be ready to read it that fast and I was not prepared with the literature. So I told him that I would get it to him.

I went online after taking all the kids to school the following morning and researched the best ways to tell kids where babies come from. Most of the information was about the type of approaches that work best for various age groups. Some information discussed the time that is best to have ‘the talk’ with the child.

Since this is the year that I will have 3 pre-teens I think we will need to have a group discussion. I complied some information for them to read and for us to discuss. I went through my psychology books, websites, and videos to get as much detailed information as I could. I wanted them to be able to read and know that what I am telling them is more than just ‘mom talk’.

I am thinking that this approach will work well for us….we shall see…

What is a mother to do?

Two people come together and decide to engage. Not only in conversation but in life. As a result, life is created. A man and a woman become more. They are now a mother and a father. Not of 1 but of 3. He leaves to fulfill his desires. His wants overshadow those of the family. She is now more than a mother, she is a single mother.

He is not their father. He has fathered others. He walked away from what he helped create to recreate the plague of the black family. He added to the statistics. He avoided responsibility at all cost. He opened his hands and closed his heart. Greed lives deep within him with no connection to remorse. He only pays to attention to exits as he constantly seeks a way out.

Now there are 6 between 2 and he is in the middle. A donor on one side and a participant on the other. His pockets mean more than his blood. These 3 still need what fathers provide. These 3 still need what was taken away. These 3 still need what they were ordered to receive. These 3 still need.

The mother of his contributions has to create. She has to create ways to keep their love alive. She has to create reasons for their respect to remain high. She has to create ways to explain why he chose to walk away from greatness. His decisions affect them all. His neglect is only felt by few. The support of a child is not merely financial but he refuses to help at all.

What is a mother to do?

Single and parenting

I am not sure if anyone has ever said that being a single parent is easy, but I am going to say it. Being a single parent is easy. It is easy to get stressed out. It is easy to get overwhelmed. It is easy to get lost in life as a single parent. Without kids in your life you do not really know the struggle that parents go through. The struggles are multiplied when there is only one person doing the work, taking on the responsibilities, and ensuring that everything gets handled. There are so many parents in the world that choose to disappear out of the lives of their children. For what reason? Do they feel like it will be better for the child(ren)? Do they feel that it will be better for themselves? Do they feel like it is the only option?

Only those people can answer those questions for why they chose not to be in their child’s life. I know why I choose to be in the lives of my children – main reason is I gave birth to them. I was not alone in making them and that is where the team work ended. It is unfortunate that my children do not have what is considered to be a luxury, two parents that love and care for them. I know that this struggle is ongoing, however, I do not plan on letting this take over our lives. There is very little me and a lot of them. I do what I can to ensure their safety, security, and sanity. I know that they miss having both parents, I just pray that I can do a well enough job so that they will not miss it for long.