Category Archives: Poetic Reflections

When I Speak

This poem does not reflect where I am, but it does represent the space that many of us live in daily. Learn the signs of mental distress. Ask the questions and be a part of the solution. I have included a few resources below if you or someone you know is struggling and need assistance.

They say “it’s all in your head” right before they pray for me.
I respond with, “I know that” but knowing is not helping me.
I’m crying out for help while I’m facing this insanity.
I’m hoping that this feeling does not cause the death of me.

I shed tears in silence because sharing them makes me weak.
I have tried to talk about it but no one hears me when I speak.

I am living life like a robot, just going through the motions.
Everyone watches my actions but they don’t consider the notions.
I am trapped in a place where everything I do is wrong.
When I try to escape, the hurts and pain come along.

So I shed my tears in silence ’cause sharing them makes me look weak.
I have tried to talk about it but no one listens when I speak.

I am taking matters into my hands since my actions are what opens your eyes.
But I am not sure how long I can hold on for I am slowly reaching my demise.
I try to keep fighting but I still find myself in this space.
I don’t want to live here, but I am stuck in this dark place.

But I still shed my tears in silence because sharing them will make me speak.
I have tried to talk about it but you don’t see my struggle, you just see me as weak.

If you know anyone that is going through something, reach out to them. Talk to them. Help them. So many people are resorting to abuse, suicide, and homicide to deal with their internal issues. We all go through rough patches in life. Our journeys are all different. Nonetheless, we need one another to survive! We have to be active in the villages of one another.

Take care of your mind! Take care of your heart! Take care of your soul! Take care of one another!

National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline: 1-800-950-6264 www.nami.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 www.thehotline.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 www.rainn.org

Beautiful Surprise – Short Story

It was the darkest shade of red that I have ever seen. It was so dark that it almost looked black. It was not quite a pool or a puddle, but the amount of blood was still enough to make anyone uncomfortable. The depth of the color could not mask the smell. The aroma was reminiscent of my brother’s armpits after track practice. It was unbearable, yet and still, I stayed.

This did not seem real. I thought that it was weird but I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My mouth was open but there was nothing coming out. I was still standing there; frozen. It was over but my legs would not move and take me away. My mind was as clear as a hookah bar and I was focused. I was focused on what was in front of me. The fact that this was actually happening to me and this was my reality paralyzed me in disbelief. I was heartbroken and relieved at the same time.

Nonetheless, I was not expecting my night to end this way. We had a beautiful celebration ahead of us. I spent hours getting ready so that I would look perfect for this special occasion. The evening was set up so that we could thoroughly enjoy the presence of one another. Two years and counting was the hashtag on our social media pages. This was going to be the night that we took things to the next level. Apparently, the next level was not the same for both of us. Everything changed so quickly.

If only things could have gone according to the plan this would not have happened. We were going to have a great night. I set up a night of fun and adventure for us. We were celebrating our connection, our union, our love. With open hearts and empty stomachs, we headed out to begin the evening. Most of it was my idea; I was the one that usually planned our activities. We both love food and music and art. Dinner was the first stop. The location was our favorite place.

We ate our favorite meals and drank our favorite wine. It was so wonderful. Something like a scene from the sappiest chick flick ever created. The setting was perfect. I felt like the night was going to be as amazing as I planned. The service was great and everything seemed to be going well. Dinner ended with dessert and a thank you kiss on the center of my forehead. There was a live band playing at the lounge a block down from the restaurant. Our footsteps led us to our next destination.

We arrived at the lounge and entered with our very own vibe. With our hands intertwined and our memories growing, we share another moment. It was such a beautiful moment. Our eyes were locked on one another. We were not two people in that moment but two souls. His hands moved across the small of my back as my hips swayed to the beat of the music. The rhythm of our heartbeats is what our souls danced to. It was such an amazing moment. Our love could be felt in the atmosphere.

This simple, sweet, and innocent moment was so beautiful. A moment that I will always cherish. That beautiful moment was also our last moment together. The music played and my love danced away. In that second I was left all alone. Heartbroken and stripped of my partner, my best friend, my lover. It was all over. The moment that I never saw coming met me on the dance floor. We were ripped apart from one another. The smooth flow of the evening abruptly halted. This was not a part of our evening plans. This celebratory moment was quickly transformed into a tragedy.

My feet are still planted here in the spot where I last danced. I see her there. She was the reason why my feet stood glued to the floor. I remember seeing her. The moment I looked at her I felt pain. I felt so much pain. I felt the bullet although I was the shooter. The next thing I remember is being handcuffed. Her final steps were taken along with the love of my life. I was his lady but she was his wife. He told me about her. He said that she did not want it to end.

I loved him more than he will ever know. I guess she did too. She came here. In the middle of our dance she appeared. I was enjoying my moment with him and I didn’t see her. She stood a few steps away. She came up to him and whispered in his ear. I heard her voice tell him that it’s over. I saw her reach down into the pocket of her jacket. I watched her take away his life. I simply returned the favor. When she reached down, I reached down into his pants and grabbed his gun. She was faster than me.

I couldn’t stop her from taking him away. I tried to save him but I was too late. There was no one to save her. Two guns released two shots, which produced two bullets, and led to two bodies. She laid there mixing her blood with the man she wouldn’t let go of. She achieved her goal of having him forever. Finally, my feet moved. I walked over to her and before I could say or do anything, I heard him calling my name.

“That must have been some dream you were having honey. It looked like you were fighting in your sleep” he said. My eyes flooded the bed with tears. His chest held a portion of my sorrows. I told him what happened and he comforted me. He reminded me that I am the only woman that he has ever loved. My discontent was eased by his caress. I was so thankful that he was there to pull me out of the worst night of my dreams.

I’m Happy You’re Here

Just when I thought that I was good being by myself, you came along changed it up. Like a dope remix to a song you already loved, you switched it. You said, “Hey Beautiful” and at that moment, I had no idea who you were or what you were on. I didn’t know if I should let my guard down or if I should run in the opposite direction. From there, I did a little research on you. I was not disappointed by what turned up. I could not find anything that repulsed me, offended me, annoyed me, or anything like that. From what I could see, you seemed to be cool. You seemed cool enough to be somebody that I could be friends with. So…I responded back and said, “Hello.”

In that moment I didn’t have any expectations. I just wanted to see what would happen. I was curious. I did not want to get excited about anyone that may be just passing through. I did not think that you were coming into my life to change it or to impact it the way that you have. I was willing to see what opportunities you were knocking with; the door was closed when you got here. I was not going to push you away without valid reason. I had no reason to deny you a chance. Denying you was the opposite of what happened. Your mind captivated me. Your conversation engaged me. It was such a clean transition.

You went from being a stranger to someone who I enjoyed getting to know. Every moment spent getting to know you is beautiful. It feels good to connect with someone who is so much like me and so different at the same time. The connection is like a hand and glove or a head and a skully. Something like a match that just fits better than you could have ever imagined. I did not think that things would go this way. You came along and stirred up my comfort zone. You changed my thoughts about maintaining my single status.

I remembered that I have not been ‘bae’ for quite some time, though. I had been single for a good little minute. I was not even sure I was ready like I said I was. What I knew is that I was intrigued by you and I could not deny that. You have shown me so many wonderful things and I am so thankful. You have shown me that you are a handcrafted creation. A gentle touch from your strong hands gives comfort and protection. Your knowledge and wisdom give guidance and understanding. You are a gem, a gift, and I treasure you. I did not know that you were coming to me. If I knew, I would have been ready. I would have done some things differently. Since there is nothing I can do about all of that, I will focus on the facts.

You are here now. You are amazing. I am happy that you are here. You were given to me at such an amazing time. You have seen my transformations and turmoil and you are still here. You have been through a few things on your end and you have allowed me to stay on your side. We give one to another and it is so genuine. I have not felt a connection, a pull, with anyone like this. You were sent down from the top of my storm cloud to usher in the light. I see that. Your truth and honesty are respected and appreciated. The prototype of what many classify as a ‘real dude’, you give a whole new meaning to finding a REAL love.