Category Archives: Random Reflections

Waiting on Superman

Little boys idolize their heroes. Little girls admire theirs. Once they grow older, do those feelings fade? As time moves forward our idea of heroes are altered. Different people become the center of attention. The focus shifts in regard to personal desires, emotional needs, and physical wants.

Boys grow up searching for guidance on how to be the ideal man. They look to their heroes. They look to their role models. They look to their examples. They learn from what they see and what they experience. They strive to be a super man.

Girls grow up seeking advice on how to be the prize woman. They look to their idols. They look to their persons of interest. They follow their influences. They learn from what they endure and what they witness. They fight to be a super woman.

It is inevitable that the boy will find the girl and that he will become a man and she, a woman. Despite what nature contributes to their growth, they have different aspirations. They do not always follow the same rules and guidelines. They do not grow in the same direction. In building who they want to be, they are also learning more about who they want to be with.

They cannot accept someone into their life, let alone their heart, if they are not pursuing the same goals. Two cannot become one if the two do not blend. Striving and fighting to be super will lead to the natural desire of a match. A super man will want an equal; a super woman. The reciprocal holds true as well. One cannot expect what they are not willing to give. In searching for the super man or woman, one must be prepared to be the super that they desire.

Do not wait on something that you are not willing to give away.

Life’s Airport: Baggage Claim

We travel through life reaching milestones, learning lessons, gaining experience, and constantly moving towards something. Through our travels we gain and we lose. Every time we return from our expedition we notice something different about ourselves. Our travels through the trenches teaches us endurance. Our vacations to paradise teaches us appreciation. Our trips down memory lane enlighten us. Our journey from childhood through adolescence to adulthood teaches us adaptation.

Every step we take in the voyage of life adds weight to our baggage. As we learn and grow, we have to know what to keep packed in our bags and what to leave at our destination.  We have to discern between what is beneficial to us and what is blocking us from our full potential. Every so often we must look at our itinerary and make sure that we are on schedule.

Our baggage gets heavy at times with pain, hurt, humiliation, depression, anxiety, frustration, etc. We can decrease the weight of our baggage or we can pay extra to lug it around. No one knows what is in our bags. No one knows how what is in our bags affect us. No one knows how to make the bag we carry lighter for our personal travels. For this reason, we have to decide what is best for us…Would you rather pay extra for heavy bags full of things you don’t need or simply lighten your load?

Intimate or Intricate

Intimacy is defined as being closely acquainted with a person and or engaging in private or personal interactions.  Intimacy could include long walks, deep conversations, events that could be qualified as “quality time”, and of course sex. When we are in the beginning stages of getting to know a person, how soon is too soon to establish intimacy? Does intimacy lead us into intricate situations? Are we more susceptible to intimacy based on the intricate details of a given situation?

When something is intricate, it is labeled as very complicated or detailed. In a relationship things can become intricate due to one or both parties providing or omitting valuable information, if feelings outside of friendship arise, and or if sex is introduced. Are there limits and specifications on how much time we should spend with a person during the “getting to know you” stage? Are there guidelines as to what activities should be avoided and those that should be promoted? Who sets the rules for the dating game? Are we all bound by these rules?

For me, I know the types of interactions that lowers my guard and increases my vulnerability. The current issue for me is deciphering between intimacy and intricacy in dating. Being in a vulnerable state can be very uncomfortable for most people. I am one of the many! Since I am such an open person, I share a lot with people that I am interested in getting to know. I want to always make the best decision for my situation. I am not the type of person that will cut someone off just because I feel like it. I am a very logical person. I think about my decisions before I make them my actions.

I consider the possible outcomes and formulate a plan from there. I like to be around people, I like to be involved. I am very outgoing and social. At the same time, I do not like to be taken advantage of or made to feel as if I am unappreciated. Choosing to allow someone in my life is an intricate decision in itself. Allowing said person to become intimate with me on any level affects how complex things can get. With that being stated, honesty works best! For this reason, I am very honest and open about myself, what I like, what I do not like, and what I am willing to deal with.

I do not want my love to be intricate! I want my love to be intimate. I have experienced a lot in my life that has molded my views on intimacy, intricacy in intimacy, and vulnerability. From my experiences I have learned that I just want to be happy. I want to be swept off my feet by the man that was designed and created to be my life partner. I want to enjoy our intimate moments and allow those moments to be the bridge over our intricate waters. I am looking forward to him finding me. I want us to live and love happily for the rest of our lives! That is not too much to ask…Can it be too much to expect?

Loneliness lives alone

Being lonely is completely different from being alone. Being lonely constitutes an emotional state of mind while being alone is a physical reality. Just because there is someone around, in our vicinity, does not mean that we do not get the feeling of loneliness. Feelings and reality get meshed together often times when they have a common ground.

The feeling of loneliness is generally due to the lack of a support system, not necessarily due to the lack of presence from another person. We feel lonely most when we are in a situation that only others that are in the midst of, or recently out of, a similar situation can understand.  The old saying that mentions understanding the struggle of another without walking in their shoes speaks to this idea. We cannot sympathize with someone that is going through a trying time in their life if we have not been there directly or indirectly. Loneliness is a characteristic of depression depending on the severity of the situation. More times than not we reach the state of loneliness after we have attempted to reach out to others for guidance or assistance to no avail.

Being alone is self-explanatory. The difference is that when we are alone, it is often by choice. We  choose to be by ourselves to deal with our current situation. There can be people there that are interested in lending a helping hand, a listening ear, or a judgmental opinion. Whatever the case may be, when these options are presented, we choose if we want to deal with them. We choose when and whom we wish to share the details of our lives with. In doing so, we already know what to expect, for the most part, from those we involve.

For this reason, we must be careful of whom we include in the most intimate parts of our lives. We have to know who is there to help us and who is looking for a way to leave us. There are people that seek to take advantage of another person’s vulnerability. We have to constantly look to ourselves and assess situations and circumstances in our lives. We have to review the people that are in our circle and make well informed decisions about who we provide certain life details to. Everyone that is around is not around for our benefit. Some are merely there to watch us fall. Understanding the difference between being lonely and being alone will assist us in making better decisions about our lives and who we involve in them.

Infection or Affection

From the time that we are small, most women dream about their wedding day. We plan the colors, the theme, the scheme, and the man. We plan out the details that are most important at the time, like flowers, music, and the dress. Most often we forget to include the most desirable features of the man. The man is usually the last thing we think about.

Why is that? Do we not have an ideal man in mind? Is our ideal man an image of another man in our lives? Do we know what we really want from or in a man?

We choose people to be in our lives for various reasons. Some people are in our lives because they give us strength, love, affection, peace of mind, companionship, etc. These are the people that we consider to be our friends. Those that have our best interest at heart. These are the people that would do anything for us and do anything to keep us from being hurt. When a man has this role in our lives it can lead to precarious outcomes. We have to be certain that the perceived affection is more than a verbal acknowledgement.

Then there are those that infect us…These are the people that have ulterior motives in regards to being in our lives. They seek to take something from us. When these people come along they give us something. They give us a temporary fill. They give us just enough to keep us at bay. When dealing with infectious people, we often lose ourselves. We focus so much on them that we let go of who we are.  We know the effects that follow, yet we continue to allow ourselves to be involved. We let the infection reach our hearts. Once that is done you have a “women fed-up” or a “woman scorned”.

A fed-up woman will typically leave the situation once she realizes that the status of the situation is more than she wants to endure. She will allow the man to “get away” with so much before she reacts. A woman that is fed-up with her current circumstances usually plans an exit strategy. A woman scorned, on the other hand,  typically stays in the situation until she is forced out. She has to face her reality because there are no more cloaks or green screens to hide the truth.

We have the choice to decide what we want to involve ourselves in. We are in control of who is in our lives. We distinguish the difference between who can infect us and who is truly attempting to show us affection.