Category Archives: Relationship Reflections

Share The Love

So one of my favorite things to do is watch TED talks. I thoroughly enjoy the way that these everyday individuals share their thoughts and ideas to enlighten others. It encourages me and it gives me so much clarity on things that I did not even know that I needed clarity on.

Recently, I was watching a few TED talks by Helen Fisher and she said some really powerful things.
Fisher is a researcher, anthropologist, and an author. She has been studying human relations for over 30 years with a focus on love and relationships.

The two TED talks that I watched of hers discussed love and the science behind it. I was so intrigued by her findings. She said some things that reached into my safe place and pulled out some doubt. Her words opened my ears in a way that only my fingertips can explain.

She spoke about love and the levels of love, how our brains react to love, and how we deal with love.
She talked about loving two people at the same time and what that means for our mind. She talked about the hormones associated with love and the why we feel certain things for certain people.

It was most interesting to hear that loving two people at the same time doesn’t mean that you love them the same.

That makes so much sense but it seems like such a horrible thing at the same time. I also think that it sounds worse than it actually is. For example, women love their mates differently than they love their kids but they can love them both simultaneously.

When we think of loving more than one person, we often relate it to intimate partner relationships. That is understandable since that is the area that often causes the most discourse in life. The thing is, we have more than intimate partner relationships. We have friendships, sister/brotherhoods, co-workers, clients, and so on. We like and love an immense amount of people constantly. Contrary to popular miseducation, intimate partner relationships do not halt our feelings of love for others.

The issue with loving more than one person at a time while in an intimate partner relationship is acting on those feelings in a way that could damage the primary relationship. There is nothing wrong with loving one another. However, we all have to be mindful of how we show that love to one another.

She Choosing

Recently I saw a comment that really threw me off. It was in reference to the statement that women are single because they are tired of the crap men do. The comment was something like women like to think that they are single by choice but they really just don’t have anything to offer other than sex. First, this comment was made by someone who I do not know at all. I do not know anything about his personal beliefs or regular interactions. What I gathered from the comment was something very interesting.

He said that women think that they are single by choice. That is where my mind stopped when I first read the comment. It was like a car slamming on the brakes. My eyes could not move past this. Regardless of what he thinks those women have to offer, he feels as if they are not single by choice. Well, if it is not their choice to be single, who is choosing for them?

Each woman makes a decision on her own. His statement sounds like women are forced to be single or forced to be in relationships for that matter. Like women just move through life according to what someone else tells them to do. Each woman is different and although this may be true for some women, it is not a blanket that can cover every woman on earth. As stated, the latter portion of the comment mentioned that those women are single because they only have sex to offer.

Let us be clear. The only way that a woman can have sex with a man is if he wants to have sex with her. She offers what she feels will be received. If she offers sex to him, he has a choice to accept or deny it. He has the opportunity to change the focus of the interaction.

In the event that he accepts, he also has the choice to proceed with her or dismiss her. He has the choice to tell her what he wants her to hear in order for her to feel comfortable enough to offer sex. For some reason, the role that the man plays in all of this is absent. His comment appeared extremely demeaning.

If a woman has (fill in the blank) “wrong” with her, that man has a choice if he wants to dismiss it and continue to engage with her or if he wants to dismiss her and move on with his life. If he chooses to stay around and “deal with” whatever he dislikes, he will eventually grow tired of it. If that man does not talk to the woman and tell her what the issue is they will never resolve it.

Communication is a necessity for the success of any relationship. If there is no communication from the man in the relationship, the woman will look elsewhere for it. Once she finds it she typically finds clarity. In that clarity, she will not offer sex but instead, she will realize that you may not be what she’s looking for.

Having limited options is completely different from having a choice.

10 Steps to Starting a Blog

I have been blogging for a few years now and I have been asked repeatedly, “How do I start a blog?”

Well, I decided that I would make something that I could share with anyone willing to download it.

So, here it is!

This eBook is FREE and available for download on my business website

Hopefully, this will help answer some of the questions that I am frequently asked and inspire those that have been hesitant to get started.

I’m Happy You’re Here

Just when I thought that I was good being by myself, you came along changed it up. Like a dope remix to a song you already loved, you switched it. You said, “Hey Beautiful” and at that moment, I had no idea who you were or what you were on. I didn’t know if I should let my guard down or if I should run in the opposite direction. From there, I did a little research on you. I was not disappointed by what turned up. I could not find anything that repulsed me, offended me, annoyed me, or anything like that. From what I could see, you seemed to be cool. You seemed cool enough to be somebody that I could be friends with. So…I responded back and said, “Hello.”

In that moment I didn’t have any expectations. I just wanted to see what would happen. I was curious. I did not want to get excited about anyone that may be just passing through. I did not think that you were coming into my life to change it or to impact it the way that you have. I was willing to see what opportunities you were knocking with; the door was closed when you got here. I was not going to push you away without valid reason. I had no reason to deny you a chance. Denying you was the opposite of what happened. Your mind captivated me. Your conversation engaged me. It was such a clean transition.

You went from being a stranger to someone who I enjoyed getting to know. Every moment spent getting to know you is beautiful. It feels good to connect with someone who is so much like me and so different at the same time. The connection is like a hand and glove or a head and a skully. Something like a match that just fits better than you could have ever imagined. I did not think that things would go this way. You came along and stirred up my comfort zone. You changed my thoughts about maintaining my single status.

I remembered that I have not been ‘bae’ for quite some time, though. I had been single for a good little minute. I was not even sure I was ready like I said I was. What I knew is that I was intrigued by you and I could not deny that. You have shown me so many wonderful things and I am so thankful. You have shown me that you are a handcrafted creation. A gentle touch from your strong hands gives comfort and protection. Your knowledge and wisdom give guidance and understanding. You are a gem, a gift, and I treasure you. I did not know that you were coming to me. If I knew, I would have been ready. I would have done some things differently. Since there is nothing I can do about all of that, I will focus on the facts.

You are here now. You are amazing. I am happy that you are here. You were given to me at such an amazing time. You have seen my transformations and turmoil and you are still here. You have been through a few things on your end and you have allowed me to stay on your side. We give one to another and it is so genuine. I have not felt a connection, a pull, with anyone like this. You were sent down from the top of my storm cloud to usher in the light. I see that. Your truth and honesty are respected and appreciated. The prototype of what many classify as a ‘real dude’, you give a whole new meaning to finding a REAL love.

Bitter Lemonade

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade

I am certain that many of us have heard this quite often. It is a statement that causes confusion for many people and gives hope to others.

Those that are confused are thinking about the extension of that idea. If life is what hands us the lemons, where do the sugar and water come from? How are we supposed to make lemonade without all of the ingredients? It life only provides the bitter, where does the sweet come from? How do we get past this?

Ponder this: A defective vehicle is referred to as a lemon. Pool game hustles are called lemon games. In addition to that, people who were viewed as having “tart” personalities are called lemons. It is very interesting that the word lemon is used to describe so many negative things.

So again, where does the sweetness come from? People assume that everything needed to make this alleged lemonade is provided. The fact is that WE have to make the bitter into the sweet. If life gives us lemons, we have to recognize what we have what we need within to can change those lemons into lemonade. (This is when hope comes in.)

People generally become hopeful about things when they feel as if they have control. People attempt to make moves towards success despite the struggles and obstacles that are presented when they feel like they are in control. Typically the only time that people remain positive about negative situations is when they are properly equipped to move forward.

When things get hard, or life gives us lemons, we have to recognize what is happening. We also have to be realistic about the possible outcomes. We have to be ready to try a few different recipes to perfect our “lemonade”. We cannot give up. We have to know that life will continue to move as it moves, the only thing that we can change is our minds and actions.

How we see the situation can influence how we respond to it. The more we are willing to live in truth, accept the truth, and move in truth, the more sweetness we will have for the bitter lemonade that life dishes out.