Some times, the hardest things to deal with are the things that we never prepared for. The father of my children has been out of their lives for close to 4 years. They have not seen him, spoken to him, or received anything from him and the same is true for his family. This has been the case since the demise of our relationship.
My children have memories of their last encounter with their father but they have often had questions about my encounters with him that led to him not being around. I have never publicly shared this but I feel that my situation may be able to help someone else. I have a strong belief that I do not live my life just for me.
Last night my son requested some mommy and son time so that we could talk. The first question that he asked was “why can’t we see daddy?”.
I took a breath and realized that my son, whom four years ago could not fully understand the process of what was going on, had reached a point in his life where he was able to handle his truth.
I answered him and told him that his father made decisions in the past that led him to jail and a restraining order. We discussed what a restraining order is and how it impacts families and relationships. I explained to him that things escalated and during the divorce process and during the proceedings he declined to be around so the judge implemented a permanent restraining order.
The look on his face…..There is not a mother on the face of this earth that wants to see the face that I saw last night. I saw his heart drop through his eyes. He was crushed. He said “but mommy, daddy wasn’t dangerous” and I had to tell him that I experienced a side of his father that he did not experience. Having to discuss this with him was hard. He has so many questions. He is longing for his father and it is evident.
I encouraged him to pursue this once he gets older if he is interested. I told him that his father made the decision that he felt was best at the time. I told him that his father loves him and misses him. I shared with my son that I wish he had that relationship with his father as well. We talked and I thanked my son for sharing his thoughts and feelings with me.
I continue to pray that their father receives the healing that he needs. I continue to pray for our healing as well. I continue to pray for his family and their hearts also. The feelings that children have in these types of situations can lead to some detrimental coping skills and behavior patterns in the future if they are not heard and addressed early. I am so thankful that I have the spirit, heart, courage, and peace that I have about all of this so that I can respond to my children in a positive manner to the questions about such a negative situation.