Tag Archives: being single

She Choosing

Recently I saw a comment that really threw me off. It was in reference to the statement that women are single because they are tired of the crap men do. The comment was something like women like to think that they are single by choice but they really just don’t have anything to offer other than sex. First, this comment was made by someone who I do not know at all. I do not know anything about his personal beliefs or regular interactions. What I gathered from the comment was something very interesting.

He said that women think that they are single by choice. That is where my mind stopped when I first read the comment. It was like a car slamming on the brakes. My eyes could not move past this. Regardless of what he thinks those women have to offer, he feels as if they are not single by choice. Well, if it is not their choice to be single, who is choosing for them?

Each woman makes a decision on her own. His statement sounds like women are forced to be single or forced to be in relationships for that matter. Like women just move through life according to what someone else tells them to do. Each woman is different and although this may be true for some women, it is not a blanket that can cover every woman on earth. As stated, the latter portion of the comment mentioned that those women are single because they only have sex to offer.

Let us be clear. The only way that a woman can have sex with a man is if he wants to have sex with her. She offers what she feels will be received. If she offers sex to him, he has a choice to accept or deny it. He has the opportunity to change the focus of the interaction.

In the event that he accepts, he also has the choice to proceed with her or dismiss her. He has the choice to tell her what he wants her to hear in order for her to feel comfortable enough to offer sex. For some reason, the role that the man plays in all of this is absent. His comment appeared extremely demeaning.

If a woman has (fill in the blank) “wrong” with her, that man has a choice if he wants to dismiss it and continue to engage with her or if he wants to dismiss her and move on with his life. If he chooses to stay around and “deal with” whatever he dislikes, he will eventually grow tired of it. If that man does not talk to the woman and tell her what the issue is they will never resolve it.

Communication is a necessity for the success of any relationship. If there is no communication from the man in the relationship, the woman will look elsewhere for it. Once she finds it she typically finds clarity. In that clarity, she will not offer sex but instead, she will realize that you may not be what she’s looking for.

Having limited options is completely different from having a choice.