Tag Archives: death

When I Speak

This poem does not reflect where I am, but it does represent the space that many of us live in daily. Learn the signs of mental distress. Ask the questions and be a part of the solution. I have included a few resources below if you or someone you know is struggling and need assistance.

They say “it’s all in your head” right before they pray for me.
I respond with, “I know that” but knowing is not helping me.
I’m crying out for help while I’m facing this insanity.
I’m hoping that this feeling does not cause the death of me.

I shed tears in silence because sharing them makes me weak.
I have tried to talk about it but no one hears me when I speak.

I am living life like a robot, just going through the motions.
Everyone watches my actions but they don’t consider the notions.
I am trapped in a place where everything I do is wrong.
When I try to escape, the hurts and pain come along.

So I shed my tears in silence ’cause sharing them makes me look weak.
I have tried to talk about it but no one listens when I speak.

I am taking matters into my hands since my actions are what opens your eyes.
But I am not sure how long I can hold on for I am slowly reaching my demise.
I try to keep fighting but I still find myself in this space.
I don’t want to live here, but I am stuck in this dark place.

But I still shed my tears in silence because sharing them will make me speak.
I have tried to talk about it but you don’t see my struggle, you just see me as weak.

If you know anyone that is going through something, reach out to them. Talk to them. Help them. So many people are resorting to abuse, suicide, and homicide to deal with their internal issues. We all go through rough patches in life. Our journeys are all different. Nonetheless, we need one another to survive! We have to be active in the villages of one another.

Take care of your mind! Take care of your heart! Take care of your soul! Take care of one another!

National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline: 1-800-950-6264 www.nami.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 www.thehotline.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 www.rainn.org

Death Destruction and Detroit

For years the city of Detroit has induced strange looks and snide remarks when people ask me where I’m from. Although I have not lived there for close to 12 years, I still defend my city. I get defensive when people speak negatively about my city. I still represent my home teams in every sport. I am a Detroit girl all the way. I love my city.

Welcome to Detroit
Welcome to Detroit

In recent years I’ve noticed a drastic change in the city that I love so dearly. My city has been raped of it’s beauty and it’s treasure. It has been deprived of quality time and attention from its inhabitants. It has been overthrown by death and destruction.

The city has begun to turn people against one another. Reports of mothers torturing and killing their children. Reports of dead bodies found in cars. Reports of missing and exploited children. Reports of people murdered in their homes. Reports of babies being left in cars intentionally. Reports of semi-arsenals being used in road rage shootings. Reports of fatal domestic violence against women and children.

Every day as I defend my city from the strange stares and snide remarks, my city is attempting to defend itself from implosion. I’m slightly removed from the direct pain that my city is experiencing but everyday I am exposed. Every day, as I scroll through my timeline, I see posts with news of more reports of death and destruction in Detroit.

I hurt for every family that gets the call or the visit or the message that their brother, daughter, niece, sister, mother, cousin, aunt, husband, uncle, nephew, father will never be home again. I know the feeling of having to sit in a room and view a recording of a person that you were just speaking to and laughing with in order to confirm their identity because the catastrophic gunshot has caused severe mutilation to the skull and you cannot go in and view the body directly.

I know what it is like to be told to be quiet when you are speaking up asking for answers. I know what it means to be forced to suppress your desire for justice when justice is all that you want. I know what it feels like to have someone who you love an cherish ripped away from you due to violence.

I still love my city. That will always be home. It hurts to know that home is a place that I may not be able to go back to. Home is not as welcoming as it once was. Visitors become victims and suspects become ghosts. Crime ensues and heartbreak increases.

Schools are closing faster than church doors at prayer time and desperation is flooding the communities. Phones go unanswered for fear that there will be more reports of death on the other end. Message notifications get muted in case there is more news of tragedy attempting to get through. The city…this city…my city is attempting suicide. My city is crying out for help and the streets are filled with tears of blood. The screams break the glass of the abandoned buildings. The fight for survival is the only fight they have left.

They want peace and prosperity. They want success and support. They want love and loyalty. I want them to live to tell about how they got through it all.

Daddy’s Girl

My spirit is in a place of disarray today. I am not my usual cheery self. My mind is trying to focus on the tasks of the day while my heart is trying to stay together. I am inundated with concern for the one man that means the world to me. The man that loved me since my conception. The man with the austere approach to life. The man that taught me to love everyone. The man that swept me off my feet. The man that was placed in my life to always be there.

I have known for some time that he would not always be around physically. I have come to terms with that. Yet and still I am not ready to let him go. He means so much to me and my heart is heavy. There is still so much that I want to share with him…memories, moments, and milestones. He has been my rock and I have always yielded to his advice and authority. I am not ready.

I know that death is the only certainty in life. I believe that after this life ends, there is a better place. I believe that the pain and suffering will not last forever – when his pain and suffering ends, mine will begin. I will mourn the loss of his flesh. My spirit will celebrate his gracious transition. I am just not ready. Strength is natural for me…I have had to be strong for so long. He instilled that in me. I know that I have people to talk to and people to lean on, but there is only one of him. he is the only one that can give to me what he can.

I am trying not to focus on the negative possibilities. I am trying to remain grounded and strong. My heart is fighting that. My mind is going in one direction but my heart…my heart is breaking. My heart feels the reality of the situation. My heart knows the truth and accepts it. My heart is what will need the most attention because my mind has already moved on. This is a test of my faith, my strength, and my sanity. If it is his time, I understand. I love him. He is my dad. He will be missed more than words could ever describe.