Tag Archives: fear

Fear Didn’t Win

Last night I went to an event at Barnes and Noble for local authors. I was so nervous and almost pulled out of going to the event.

I am not sure how many of you know this but, I am extremely shy when it comes to meeting new people. I understand that some of you are reading this and giving me the “whatever” or “yeah right” face but it’s true. I have been in positions that forced me to come out of that comfort zone, like direct sales. I have sold cars, candles, and even food for other companies but when it comes to me talking about me for me, it gets so hard.

When I first received the email for the event, I was so excited! I started sharing the information with my circle of people and I started promoting. I had a plan as to how I wanted things to look. I knew that I wanted things to be a certain way. I wanted my version of perfection. As time moved closer to the date of the event, my plan crumbled. This is the point where I almost pulled out.

My books were delayed and would not arrive in time for me to be able to have them at the event to sell. The bookmarks that I wanted to give as a gift were not ready. People that contacted me saying that they would come to support started contacting me to tell me that they could not make it. I was concerned with how I would be received by not having inventory for patrons to view. I even emailed the facilitator and looked for a way to get out of going to the event because I didn’t have books available. The way that I wanted things to go, was not how things were going.

The fact that I am reserved made this a perfect opportunity for me to retreat! I was ready to step in my own way and avoid overcoming this hurdle.

Then I thought about what I would be walking away from. I thought about what I would not be showing up to. I thought about the message that I would send to my children. When I stepped back and looked at it, I noticed that I was only feeding into whatever negativity that caused me to feel this way in the first place. It was in that moment that I committed.

I searched for copies of my books that I could use for the purpose of this event. I found a copy of my first book that was faded and appeared less beautiful than what is being shipped currently. I also found a copy of my second book that had fewer cosmetic discrepancies but still was not up to par for my standards. I grabbed them both and said to myself that I would make these work.

The bookmarks that I wanted to make were not ready and I did not want to go without anything for patrons to take away from me. So, I made a few bars of shea butter and peppermint soap and put my website on the back of the bag. I created a shirt with my slogan on it so that when I took pictures it would be visible. I did my hair, put on some makeup and decided that I was going to walk forward, buckling knees and all.

I took those fears and discomforts with me to the event. I even showed a few of those insecurities to the other authors. I showed up with one copy of each book from my promo inventory (these are the books that I kept in the car when I drove for Uber). I didn’t want to put my books on the table because of the slightly used condition.

My gently used book
I shared this with one of the authors at my table and she encouraged me to still place it up there and reassured me that I was focused on the wrong thing as far as the book is concerned. I listened and still placed my book on the table (well, one of them anyway).

I was approached by someone who was initially captured by my appearance and used that as an ice-breaker to segway into collaboration opportunities, speaking engagements, and more. I spoke to another person that described some of the pain that her family has endured for the past few years. She told me that she would go online and purchase both books based on my description and some of what she read in the gently used sample. I spoke to other authors and learned about new ways to market my books and how to be prepared for or organize an event such as this in the future.

When I stepped forward in spite of my fear, I broke a piece of my mold. I shattered the fear that almost stopped me from moving closer to my dream. This event made me realize how much work I have to do in order to build my confidence in me. My confidence in my gift is unwavering but my confidence in myself is where I struggle. I had to change my mind from “everything is going wrong” to “let’s enjoy this for what it is and make the best of it”. I was making a bigger deal in my mind about something that did not even require that type of attention.

I hear people say it all the time, but I realized it while I was at this event…your comfort zone can cause paralysis in your dreams. If you want more you have to reach out, speak out, and move out of your own way to get it. We keep ourselves stuck in positions and situations because we are afraid of a possibility that we create in our minds due to our fears.

I am happy to say that when I stepped into Barnes and Noble, fear didn’t win.

When was the last time you defeated fear?

The reality of living your dreams

When I decided that I was going to pursue my writing full-time it was the scariest thing in the world. It is the scariest thing in the world. I am a single parent with serious responsibilities and obligations. I do not have a rich family that is pouring money into me. I am not gracing the pages of magazines or rubbing elbows with the elite.

I am, however, extremely good at what I do. I have a gift. I feel that this gift is what I will have to use to illicit change in the world. Walking away from the idea to work for someone else’s dream has my mind focused on my dream.

At this point, all I have is my dream. I have a dream that I will make a major impact on this world using my words. I dream of changing the negative way people think and promote positivity. I am focused on making sure that my children do not have to be scared to live their dreams. I want to ensure that my children can continue on with my legacy and benefit from my accomplishments. I want to leave more than just a mark on the world.

While I wait for all of this to happen, I still have to survive. I still have to be a mother. I still have to do typical adult things. I. Still have to live.

I do not resist the urge to be successful. I run towards that challenge. I tremble at the thought of living my own ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ situation. I cringe to think that we may have to make major life adjustments. I am scared to fail, not just myself but also my children.

Living my dream and giving in to my gift is not easy. It is terrifying. I do not know how things will change over the course of the next few months but I feel like my reality is to achieve my dream.

Love Slave

We allow our love to be sold to the highest bidder but we do not require the bidder to show us why they should receive our love. We assume that if they are willing to pay for it, they will value it. In all actuality, they appreciate it more when they have to work hard for it. We think that simply hearing the words mean more than seeing the actions. We are willing to commit ourselves to people that say that they love us but treat us like they hate us.

When someone comes along and treats us like we deserve to be treated, with love, we run. Our perception of what love is has been distorted. We fear real love but embrace tainted love. We push away genuine love but live in brutal love. We allow ourselves to be beaten for love. We stay after we have been broken for love. We are content in pain for love. But for the love of who?

It is not because we love ourselves. If that were the case, we would recognize the love spoken by the tongue of lust. Perfect love drives out fear. We should reevaluate our decisions to allow lust to blind us and block love from finding us. Your past decisions are now learning experiences. Your present opportunities will not move away unless you take the first step.

Do not be afraid to allow love to heal you. Do not hesitate to let love lead you. Do not procrastinate and miss the love that is in front of you. Fear is not love. Love is not fear. Realize and respect the difference. If you would lay down your life for the wrong, why not live in love with the right.

Afraid to disappoint

So many times we lean towards our understanding of what is planned for our lives. We focus not on what we are called to do but what we want to do. We pay close attention to the way we want our lives to be and what we feel our lives should look like. We do not pay attention to the things that are keeping us from being successful. We are vessels, not of our own but of the Lord’s. In order for us to be fulfilled we have to allow ourselves to be used in the way that we were created to be used. We have to close our mouths and allow our hearing to be heightened. We have to listen to the call that has been placed on our life and move forward towards that. We reach the pits and get swallowed by the ideas of disappointment. In reality, who are we afraid of disappointing? Is it our family? Our friends? Our thoughts? What is our focus? When we focus on the trees, we miss the forest. When we look for the half empty glass, we over look the glass that is half full. Everything is not for us to understand and we have to realize that we are not our own. We were created for a purpose. We were created to inspire. We were created to love. We were created to empower. We have to skills to make disappointment ashamed of itself. Instead of allowing the fear of disappointment to control our efforts.

Honest Failure

So many times we look to others to give us the truth. We have the ability to obtain our truth if we are willing to accept what is revealed to us. Be honest with yourself. Don’t tell yourself that you are ready for something that you know you cannot handle at this time. Be open. Share your feelings with those that you want in your life so that they can help you move forward or so you can help them move out of your life. The fear of the unknown is actually the fear of failure. Failure is nothing to fear, but something to overcome. Work towards being real with yourself and accepting your path. The most successful people in the world have fallen short of their initial dreams at times. They kept going in order to live in their reality and dream of new goals to achieve. Focus on the future and learn from the past. Recognize your truth.