Tag Archives: love

Share The Love

So one of my favorite things to do is watch TED talks. I thoroughly enjoy the way that these everyday individuals share their thoughts and ideas to enlighten others. It encourages me and it gives me so much clarity on things that I did not even know that I needed clarity on.

Recently, I was watching a few TED talks by Helen Fisher and she said some really powerful things.
Fisher is a researcher, anthropologist, and an author. She has been studying human relations for over 30 years with a focus on love and relationships.

The two TED talks that I watched of hers discussed love and the science behind it. I was so intrigued by her findings. She said some things that reached into my safe place and pulled out some doubt. Her words opened my ears in a way that only my fingertips can explain.

She spoke about love and the levels of love, how our brains react to love, and how we deal with love.
She talked about loving two people at the same time and what that means for our mind. She talked about the hormones associated with love and the why we feel certain things for certain people.

It was most interesting to hear that loving two people at the same time doesn’t mean that you love them the same.

That makes so much sense but it seems like such a horrible thing at the same time. I also think that it sounds worse than it actually is. For example, women love their mates differently than they love their kids but they can love them both simultaneously.

When we think of loving more than one person, we often relate it to intimate partner relationships. That is understandable since that is the area that often causes the most discourse in life. The thing is, we have more than intimate partner relationships. We have friendships, sister/brotherhoods, co-workers, clients, and so on. We like and love an immense amount of people constantly. Contrary to popular miseducation, intimate partner relationships do not halt our feelings of love for others.

The issue with loving more than one person at a time while in an intimate partner relationship is acting on those feelings in a way that could damage the primary relationship. There is nothing wrong with loving one another. However, we all have to be mindful of how we show that love to one another.

I’m Happy You’re Here

Just when I thought that I was good being by myself, you came along changed it up. Like a dope remix to a song you already loved, you switched it. You said, “Hey Beautiful” and at that moment, I had no idea who you were or what you were on. I didn’t know if I should let my guard down or if I should run in the opposite direction. From there, I did a little research on you. I was not disappointed by what turned up. I could not find anything that repulsed me, offended me, annoyed me, or anything like that. From what I could see, you seemed to be cool. You seemed cool enough to be somebody that I could be friends with. So…I responded back and said, “Hello.”

In that moment I didn’t have any expectations. I just wanted to see what would happen. I was curious. I did not want to get excited about anyone that may be just passing through. I did not think that you were coming into my life to change it or to impact it the way that you have. I was willing to see what opportunities you were knocking with; the door was closed when you got here. I was not going to push you away without valid reason. I had no reason to deny you a chance. Denying you was the opposite of what happened. Your mind captivated me. Your conversation engaged me. It was such a clean transition.

You went from being a stranger to someone who I enjoyed getting to know. Every moment spent getting to know you is beautiful. It feels good to connect with someone who is so much like me and so different at the same time. The connection is like a hand and glove or a head and a skully. Something like a match that just fits better than you could have ever imagined. I did not think that things would go this way. You came along and stirred up my comfort zone. You changed my thoughts about maintaining my single status.

I remembered that I have not been ‘bae’ for quite some time, though. I had been single for a good little minute. I was not even sure I was ready like I said I was. What I knew is that I was intrigued by you and I could not deny that. You have shown me so many wonderful things and I am so thankful. You have shown me that you are a handcrafted creation. A gentle touch from your strong hands gives comfort and protection. Your knowledge and wisdom give guidance and understanding. You are a gem, a gift, and I treasure you. I did not know that you were coming to me. If I knew, I would have been ready. I would have done some things differently. Since there is nothing I can do about all of that, I will focus on the facts.

You are here now. You are amazing. I am happy that you are here. You were given to me at such an amazing time. You have seen my transformations and turmoil and you are still here. You have been through a few things on your end and you have allowed me to stay on your side. We give one to another and it is so genuine. I have not felt a connection, a pull, with anyone like this. You were sent down from the top of my storm cloud to usher in the light. I see that. Your truth and honesty are respected and appreciated. The prototype of what many classify as a ‘real dude’, you give a whole new meaning to finding a REAL love.

Missing my Rock

There was only one man who I knew had my back unconditionally. That was my dad. He held me all the way down. He loved me. He encouraged me. He lifted me up. He also scolded me and put me in my place. My father showed me what love is. He gave me love in the rawest form. My dad loved me unconditionally and without hesitation. When it came to me, my dad had no limits.

I can remember riding down I-75 summer after summer heading to Tennessee. My father had a red single cab Silverado with a camper on the back. The window behind the driver seat would slide and allow us to talk back and forth. It was like having my own escape zone in the back of the truck. No matter where my dad and I were, his presence always gave me comfort. Whether we were talking to one another or not, just him being there gave me peace. I knew that he would protect me and I knew that he would take care of me.

My dad was a great man. Some would say that he was difficult at times. My dad was opinionated, always willing to share how he feels about something. He didn’t always wait for someone to ask for his advice before he gave it. At the same time he would give anyone whatever he had. I remember him visiting people, cooking meals, praying with people, and keeping people lifted. I also remember my dad being fearless. He was not afraid to speak his mind. He was strict and sweet. I loved to see him smile and it brought joy to my heart every time he laughed. I always wanted to make him proud. I wanted to make him smile.

My dad wanted me to be happy. He told me repeatedly to make sure I have a relationship with God. That was a message he released early. He told me that God will give me all that I need to be happy. I used to talk to him about things that bothered me once I got older. He was very vocal when I reached out to him. He always gave his advice and then reminded me that God is in control. He told me to focus my efforts on maintaining a strong relationship with the man upstairs. Maybe he knew that was what I needed to learn most. Whatever his reasoning, he drilled that into me.

He gave me so much of himself. He poured into me. My daddy spoiled me. He gave me things I did not even think to ask for. I was his little princess. He wanted to make sure that I felt like his princess. I didn’t ask for much but he gave me the world. He took care of me. He made me feel like he was really down for me. I remember when he turned down the opportunity to move to Texas because he didn’t want to be that far away from me. I remember when he had my initials painted on the doors of his red, single cab, Silverado truck. I remember him taking me wherever he went as often as he could. He exposed me to so much.

My dad did not care what it took, he made sure that I did not have to want for anything. After he turned down the transfer to Texas he was granted early retirement. Shortly thereafter he became a chef at a diner. My dad cooked really well and I loved when he cooked for me. He made sure that my needs were surpassed. He showed me what love feels like. The love I received from my dad was sustaining. It kept me going. It was like the blood that is rushing through my veins.

I have so many beautiful memories with my dad. There are many memories that have been made since he’s been gone that I wish I could share with him as well. One thing that I am extremely thankful for is the lessons that he taught me. I am like most people who appreciate many of the lessons taught to me as a child once I become an adult; but I got it nonetheless. He was an amazing man who filled my life with so much love and joy. As a child, I just thought that my dad was calming or soothing even. I had no idea that what he gave me was peace. I am so thankful that I know his presence even when he is not around. I am very thankful that I was able to enjoy him the way that I did.

I wish he would have had the chance to walk me down the aisle and give me away to true love. I wish he was here to share in these moments of growth. I really wish he could be right here. I know that he is not suffering anymore. I know that he is with me in spirit and that he lives in my heart. Right now, in this moment…I am missing my rock holding me up in this hard place.

My Eyes For You

Your mirror doesn’t show you the you that I see. The mirror only reflects what is put in front of it. The mirror cannot expose to you, the exquisite man who I know you to be. Take my hand and follow me. Allow my words to be the eyes that you need to see. Don’t get lost in my mystery, but step into me. Look through my looking-glass and behold the amazing man who was gifted to me.

The physical attributes are evident and visible to all, but the inner being is the creature that I adore. At first glance you don’t recognize a heart that size. It’s rare, precious and one of a kind. At times unsure, but always full of love. A heart reaches that size because it grows each time it survives.

Keep looking deep and you’ll find why I stare. Your eyes shield your soul but I feel I am welcomed there. I don’t pose a threat or seek to destroy. Your eyes allow me to sit with your soul. An open book with so much knowledge to give but mistreated by false love when true motives are revealed.

The voice of actions speaks loudly. Look at the way that you treat me. I am cherished, respected, and honored as a Queen. My queendom is full of you. You are my King. My court jester. My hunter. My protector. My knight in rusting armor. The character of your armor explains the depths of your love. The shine has faded because you have been fighting for so long.

I see your desire to rest and enjoy the blissful peace that resides inside of joy but the fatigue adds more rust to your armor. I see you striving to be all that you were created to be in spite of the dragons you have had to slay. I notice the pressure of the world that attempts to weigh you down. I understand that the strongest soldiers have overcome extreme battles.

I notice that you pay attention and seek to have truth. You speak from your place of pain and happiness the same. You share willingly and without regret. You invite me into your sacred place and allow me to dwell with you. You give me the chance to see you in natural light with no masks or distractions. You hide your heart inside of that armor but you don’t lock me out. You invite me in.

From in here, behind my eyes, it is easy to see why I love you. Whenever you doubt it or need to get clarity, just look into my eyes and see our truth; see our souls enjoying their time in serenity.

The Love Haters

Telling people about our happiness can be a bit tricky at times. When we get excited about life events, we naturally want to share the good news with people who we are close to. We want everyone to know about our happiness so we tell everyone that will listen. Our feelings change and we become enveloped in elation to the point that we are near implosion. We get excited about love, birth, careers, and so many other things that influence the course of our life. Typically when people are happy, they want to tell the world about what has increased their joy; especially when they find love. More times than not, everyone with ears is fair game.

What happens when we share those feelings with someone and they only have negative things to say? That’s not cool, but it happens all the time. Then we begin to think, “why is my good news making them challenge my happiness?” At this point, a choice has to be made. Do you decide to continue to tell them things about you? Even though you know you will be speaking to the devil’s advocate, do you filter or limit what information is shared with them? Do you correct their reaction? What do you do? How are we supposed to deal with that?

Many of us do not deal with it and simply separate from people who do things like this. We do not open ourselves up to people who will not provide constructive support. In other words, there are some that keep happiness to ourselves to preserve it. They chose not to tell others about how wonderful things are in their life, for fear that they will be met with some type of response that will seek to wipe away the smile. On the other hand, many of us are inclined to please other people and make it easy for others to make us second guess our decisions. The fact of the matter is that no one has control over our emotions. We do not know who we will fall in love with or who will break our heart at first glance. We can learn from the lessons that are evident when interacting with people. A major lesson to learn is one of respect.

We have to respect the decisions that are made regardless if we agree or disagree with the choice. We cannot get upset and become devoted to changing the future of another person when their decisions are not our responsibility. Simply put, everyone does not have the same love story. Everyone does not share their joy the same way. Everyone does not want to hear the condescending tones and responses to them being happy. Some people who have been together for years, have been inseparable since the inception of their relationship. At the same time, there are some people who have been miserable and together for years. When love is the celebration, why include people who just want to end the party? Enjoy the ride that love takes you on and dismiss all of the unnecessary bumps along the way.