Tag Archives: strength

What Stops You From Asking For Help?

Recently, I commented on a post and shared my thoughts regarding lessons learned and how to help one another. The main thing that spoke to me was the fact that many of us do not ask for the help that we need. I must admit, I am one of the many. I am not prideful or anything like that. I just prefer to do as much as I can on my own. If I ask for help, it usually feels like the end of my option list.

We, as human beings, all need help more than we ask for it or even realize. Although we don’t ask for help as often as need it, we offer it constantly. We actually help each other on a daily basis. We utilize services from one another, we conduct business with one another, and most of us have jobs that even require us to help others. Helping is a way that humans operate in the world.

Since helping is a natural part of life the way that it is, I cannot help but arrive at the question, Why is it so hard to ask for help?

I called my sister and asked her the question. We talked about it for quite some time. She described an incident that caused her to ask the same question. When she told me about the experience that she had, I asked her if she felt that our background had anything to do with it. Needless to say, we both do. As the conversation progressed, we reviewed our individual experiences in life as well as childhood memories. We talked about the lessons that life taught us and what those lessons mean.

One of the things that came up was the fact that we are often conditioned to feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness. We are often shunned or told to figure it out when we turn to other for help. Some people feel that if you cannot accomplish something on your own that asking for assistance is an easy way out. People may even refer to you as lazy because you asked for help but criticize you if you make a mistake because you didn’t ask for help.

We also talked about how those reactions make asking for help extremely difficult. It makes accomplishing tasks and goals that much harder as well. When someone makes you feel bad for doing something so natural, it will cause you to question your actions in the future. I can remember asking questions and being ignored or told to be quiet. My sister shared a few of her experiences with me. Her experiences did not differ greatly from mine, there were just different people involved. By the end of the conversation, we discovered a few things that keep us from asking for help.

1. People don’t ask for help because they are afraid of the response.

It can be extremely difficult to ask for help if you have been shut down or chastised for it in the past. It is easy to understand why you would be reluctant to ask for help. However, everyone is not the same. Situations may repeat themselves but the people will be different and so will the response. The way to overcome this is to know who to ask. There is no reason to set yourself up for rejection by asking for help from someone who you know will speak more than they act. You will never be able to predict what someone will say, but you have the choice to choose a person that you feel will act accordingly. Usually, it is someone who has been there for you in the past and proven themselves to be reliable. You will never know what will happen if you do not ask for help.

2. People don’t ask for help because they are afraid of how they will appear to others.

Perception is everything when it comes to growth and development. Although we cannot control how others will respond to or receive us, we give them so much weight on our life scale. There are some people who are concerned with how others will look at them if they ask for help. I am sure that “others” are not considered when things are going well so they should not be as important when assistance is needed. Focusing so heavily on what others will say or do if we ask for help removes focus from actually accomplishing the goals that we set out to accomplish. Asking for help does not make you look bad, it makes you look smart. If you never speak up and ask questions or get help, you will remain where you are.You should build a support team of people who will guide you when you need guidance so that you can focus less on how others will view you and more on how you can move forward.

3. People don’t ask for help because they are afraid it admits failure.

Admitting that you are wrong is a hard thing to do. It is one of the things that most of us avoid at all cost. More times than not, when we admit our wrongs it causes us to face the facts of a situation and accept that we made a mistake. In addition to that, when it comes to asking for help, we tend to see failure as a stop sign rather than a u-turn sign. There is nothing wrong with making a mistake. Mistakes are actually how we learn. Asking for help can prevent us from making the mistakes that we try so hard to hide. When we get to a point of uncertainty, it is wise to seek guidance and assistance before we move forward. It is better to make an informed decision rather than an uninformed one.

We are hindering our growth when we don’t ask for help, regardless of the reason that keeps us from asking. It would behoove us to learn how to move past these stumbling blocks in order to be more successful in our daily activities.

So, what stops you from asking for help in your personal life, business, or both?

My Eyes For You

Your mirror doesn’t show you the you that I see. The mirror only reflects what is put in front of it. The mirror cannot expose to you, the exquisite man who I know you to be. Take my hand and follow me. Allow my words to be the eyes that you need to see. Don’t get lost in my mystery, but step into me. Look through my looking-glass and behold the amazing man who was gifted to me.

The physical attributes are evident and visible to all, but the inner being is the creature that I adore. At first glance you don’t recognize a heart that size. It’s rare, precious and one of a kind. At times unsure, but always full of love. A heart reaches that size because it grows each time it survives.

Keep looking deep and you’ll find why I stare. Your eyes shield your soul but I feel I am welcomed there. I don’t pose a threat or seek to destroy. Your eyes allow me to sit with your soul. An open book with so much knowledge to give but mistreated by false love when true motives are revealed.

The voice of actions speaks loudly. Look at the way that you treat me. I am cherished, respected, and honored as a Queen. My queendom is full of you. You are my King. My court jester. My hunter. My protector. My knight in rusting armor. The character of your armor explains the depths of your love. The shine has faded because you have been fighting for so long.

I see your desire to rest and enjoy the blissful peace that resides inside of joy but the fatigue adds more rust to your armor. I see you striving to be all that you were created to be in spite of the dragons you have had to slay. I notice the pressure of the world that attempts to weigh you down. I understand that the strongest soldiers have overcome extreme battles.

I notice that you pay attention and seek to have truth. You speak from your place of pain and happiness the same. You share willingly and without regret. You invite me into your sacred place and allow me to dwell with you. You give me the chance to see you in natural light with no masks or distractions. You hide your heart inside of that armor but you don’t lock me out. You invite me in.

From in here, behind my eyes, it is easy to see why I love you. Whenever you doubt it or need to get clarity, just look into my eyes and see our truth; see our souls enjoying their time in serenity.

As thyself

Love is not simply an emotion. It is also an action. Many times we think about love in regard to how we feel about a person, place, or thing. Many of us forget that our actions for those we love have to be reflected. How can I say that I love you, and not show you that I love you? When the words and  the actions are not matched, there is a problem. We have to recognize how we treat the ones that we say we love. We need to be mindful of how we show love to ourselves. In all honesty, we cannot give love to someone else if we do not love ourselves. Sometimes, loving ourselves means that we have to know when to let go and move on from things and people that we say that we love.

The Bible states that we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It also states that we are not to be a stumbling block for one another. If I say that I love you, that should also mean that I want the best for you. It should mean that I am willing to do whatever I can to secure your happiness. The same holds true if I say that I truly love myself. Often times we ourselves are transformed into our own stumbling blocks. God moves in our lives to reveal things to us so that we can see how our words and our actions affect our lives and the loves of those around us.

I realized last night that I have fallen deeply in love with me. I am focused on my happiness. I have to do what is necessary to make sure that the life God has for me is the one that I am living. I was taken back through my life and many people and experiences flashed before my eyes. I saw what I went through and how I altered my love for me, to give my love to others. How can I truly give love to everyone else and not have any for me? It was an epiphany.

The person that God sent to help me learn about the true meaning of love is the person that has shown me how God wants me to be loved. It is amazing to see the way that things work out. The way that situations and circumstances lead to understanding. Growth can only happen when we are ready to deal with the pain and face our truth. I thank God for bringing me through. I never would have made it without Him! My life has changed for the better. It all started when I received the message and started to love me more than I love the rest…

Daddy’s Girl

My spirit is in a place of disarray today. I am not my usual cheery self. My mind is trying to focus on the tasks of the day while my heart is trying to stay together. I am inundated with concern for the one man that means the world to me. The man that loved me since my conception. The man with the austere approach to life. The man that taught me to love everyone. The man that swept me off my feet. The man that was placed in my life to always be there.

I have known for some time that he would not always be around physically. I have come to terms with that. Yet and still I am not ready to let him go. He means so much to me and my heart is heavy. There is still so much that I want to share with him…memories, moments, and milestones. He has been my rock and I have always yielded to his advice and authority. I am not ready.

I know that death is the only certainty in life. I believe that after this life ends, there is a better place. I believe that the pain and suffering will not last forever – when his pain and suffering ends, mine will begin. I will mourn the loss of his flesh. My spirit will celebrate his gracious transition. I am just not ready. Strength is natural for me…I have had to be strong for so long. He instilled that in me. I know that I have people to talk to and people to lean on, but there is only one of him. he is the only one that can give to me what he can.

I am trying not to focus on the negative possibilities. I am trying to remain grounded and strong. My heart is fighting that. My mind is going in one direction but my heart…my heart is breaking. My heart feels the reality of the situation. My heart knows the truth and accepts it. My heart is what will need the most attention because my mind has already moved on. This is a test of my faith, my strength, and my sanity. If it is his time, I understand. I love him. He is my dad. He will be missed more than words could ever describe.

Deeply Genuine

There are times when we fall victim to our hearts. My heart tells me that I do not want to be here. I am reminded that I am worth more than what I am being offered. I am shown that my worth is overlooked more than it is valued. What do I do? Do I listen to my heart? Do I follow my mind and act out of haste?

I have such a caring and genuine heart that I allow things to affect me deeply. Sometimes I take on the pain of others. I do not dwell, but I do hurt. I shed the tears of those that do not have time to cry. I bleed the blood for those that are unable to bleed any more. I give so much for those that have nothing left to give. I love people and I want everyone to succeed.

I have so much to take into consideration when it comes to moving forward. I have three little people that depend on me. I have to be certain that I am doing what is best for all of us. They deserve the best and that is what I strive to give. Who is giving the best to me? If I am always looking out for others and thinking about the welfare of the world, where do I fit in? Who is caring for me?

There are people placed in our lives to help alleviate the blows of life. Some attempt to do so while others accomplish the task. Some act as if they are concerned with our well being just to benefit from our success. They want to stake a claim in our growth and take ownership of our progress. Those that are truly on our side do not seek glory or praise. They are merely  pleased with the smile that graces the face of those that they help.

I am thankful for those that are in my life for all the right reasons. I am thankful for those that seek to do harm to me, they increase my faith. I am thankful for those who decide to disappear, they increase my strength. I am thankful for those that are determined to destroy me, they increase my fight. I am thankful for all of the people that have been in, are in, and will be in my life. I will continue to use the experiences gained to my benefit. What was meant for evil by all of the nay-sayers, God meant for my good and that is why I am so thankful.